Greenhouse Porn?

Location, location, location - every weary, cokehead producer's mantra. You'd think that reinforcement breeds habit, but sadly, movies are still filmed in the Midwest. If any concessions are to be wrung here, at least most movies aren't filmed in the back of a van, or the back of a restaurant, or the back of a school, or (insert random, deserted urban location) - as porn is.

Because what is to stop the great pornstars of our generation from silver screen fame? What do they not have that Coke Holmes does? Appeal? Hardly; troll any 18-69 year old male's history and appeal is categorized sytematically.

Indeed what porn lacks is a conscientious appeal to higher philanthropic virtues; Bill Gates has dollars for Darfur and Bono only sings in the presence of despondent, destitute children, yet porn is devoid of wholesome (well, not entirely true) content.

What porn needs is a set, a location, that communicates organic, sustainable, healthy sex - green is the new pink. What better place than the greenhouse?

With its glassy exterior and brightly lit interior, full exposure is guaranteed. Moreover, with average temperatures of 85 degrees, "actors" won't need to work hard for that authentic look!

Looking for something intimate? - try the backyard, English country estate model.

Group scene? University greenhouses are expansive facilities and usually stocked with diminutive, absorbed science types just waiting to break out sexually!

Oh and the puns - such a needed change from the weary plumber adages, or construction worker "drill" lines.

Al Gore got rich off of climate change; why can't porn stars?