Blogs are for bitches

Did I say that loud enough? OR SHOULD I USE ALL CAPS?

Blogs are for bitches. Skanks. Sluts. Wombats.

Here's a real world analogy for you to choke on: blogs are cyber dildos for the lonely, frumpy, Rav 4 driving woman buried deep in your heart.

Now I'm sure the rarefied, jasmine tea types are typing feverishly on their sleek macbooks to vilify my virgin post, making painstaking attempts to denounce what is for all intents and purposes a sensationalist publication.

Please, I'll play the pariah. I'll take your artsy, disjointed photographs - ineffectual quests for intellectual depth - and wipe my unflattering ass with them.

Oh and you're going to flag me? You're going to blow the whistle on my shenanigans?

Don't flatter me.

Because blogs are for bitches.

And this isn't a blog, this isn't written by a bitch. Do you see any conscientious appeal to an omniscient audience? Can you find any posts about "cute new cruiser bikes" or "sundresses?" Where are the smiley faces and abbreviations and acronyms? Bitch, please, this isn't a blog.